Five Ways Real Couples Make Their Relationship Stronger
Whether you love it or loathe it, Valentine’s Day is upon us. Regardless of your affinity for the holiday, it is a wonderful time to take stock of the love in your life; whether it is a budding romance, a lifelong partner, or a close-knit group of friends.
We are lucky to be a part of so many amazing couples’ celebrations and milestone occasions, and are constantly inspired by their stories. As we look at and appreciate all the love surrounding us this time of year, we wanted to take note of the things that make couples’ relationships successful. Here are the top five tried & true tips from the experts and real couples who shared their loving and inspiring stories with us.
Tip #1. Keep Dating Each Other
“Spending quality time together is crucial for a lasting relationship. People in long term relationships often stop ‘dating’ each other. They may see each other all the time, but that doesn’t necessarily guarantee a strong relationship. Remembering to take time out and go on regular dates not only shows that both partners are invested in this relationship, but it provides an opportunity to reinforce and build on your existing emotional bond.” – Sherri Murphy, CEO and VIP Matchmaker of Elite Connections
Real Couple: Courtney and Matt Burton
How did you meet?
The first time we met was at the restaurant he works at. To be more specific it was at booth 21. Two years later we got married on the 21st of September. Needless to say he was quite the charming waiter… even with the cheesy pickup line.
How long have you been together?
We’ve been together for three and a half years!
What makes your relationship work?
Mutual respect and having fun! And we always make time for our weekly date nights. More often than not we just do dinner and a movie, but one of my favorite times was when we spontaneously decided to go ice skating!
Tip #2. Continue to Get to Know Your Partner & Stay Curious
“It is easy to get comfortable in a relationship and simply catch up on the day. While sharing about your days is important, so is continuing to get to know your partner. Ask your partner questions you would ask your friends or someone you recently met. Make it a point to connect and relate to your partner in a different way. Don’t take your partner for granted and don’t assume that you know everything about them. Continue to be interested in your partner and aspects of their day and their thoughts and feelings.” – Rachel Needle, Licensed Psychologist at the Center for Marital and Sexual Health of South Florida
“Be interested in what is important to the other person. If you don’t understand, ask. staying curious in a relationship always keeps it fresh. For example, perhaps one partner likes to cook, the other likes sports. If the partner who likes sports is open to what it takes to be a good cook, and the cook will sit and watch sports, and try to understand the game, they will have quality time together.” – Janet Zinn, Couples Therapist
Real Couple: Jill and Eric Johnson
How did you meet?
We met at the Yakima Athletic Club when I worked there.
How long have you been together?
We have been together 25 years.
What is it that makes your relationship work?
Eric: When Jill and I were married, our wedding invitation said, “this day I will marry my friend”. 25 years later, Jill is still my best friend. When I first met Jill I knew right away she was someone very special. I just had to get up the nerve to ask her out on a date. The more I got to know Jill, I knew she had all the good qualities I could ask for. I think when people see us, they can tell how truly happy we are together.
Jill: What makes our relationship special is that I married one of the good guys- a genuine good guy! He’s thoughtful, generous, loving, my best friend. We have had some trials over the years but thankfully we hung in there. We work together in our business and our strengths complement each other. I think we have mutual respect for each other. And we have FUN together!
Tip #3. Express Love, Kindness and Sweetness
“The relationships depicted in the media do not always model kind, loving and considerate behavior very well. Although the press may be bored by politeness, kindness and happiness, those traits will make your partner and your relationship flourish and blossom.” – Tina B. Tessina, Ph. D, aka Dr. Romance
Real Couple: Ashley and Chad
How did you meet?
We met at the job we both had right after college.
How long have you been together?
We were together for 1-2ish years the first time we dated, depending on how you define “together.” Then we went our separate ways for about three years, dated other people etc. Then once we were both finally single at the same time again we saw each other at a good friends wedding, and the rest is history. It’s 2.5 years since then. So I guess it’s been on and off for 9 years.
What is it that makes your relationship work?
We are total opposites in a lot of ways. Ashley loves to make messes and Chad loves to clean, Chad loves to talk and Ashley doesn’t. Ashley wants 100 puppies and Chad’s ok with 1. Being opposites makes for a really great balance sometimes but can also make us want to kill each other so we are always working on finding that balance. We also think each other are hilarious, which makes for a grand ol’ time.
Tip #4. Engage in mutually enjoyable activities together
“You do not have to love everything and have the exact same interests as your partner, but it is important to have (or develop) some common interests or things you enjoy doing together. Spending time together is important to continue to grow and connect with your partner. When you can enjoy similar interests outside of the house, work, or family, couples can thrive and marital happiness is increased.” – Rachel Needle, Licensed Psychologist at the Center for Marital and Sexual Health of South Florida
Real Couple: Susan and Randy Cooper
How did you meet?
We met at Washington State University in Pullman, Washington. He was a sophomore and a “jock,” and I was a graduate student majoring in physiology with a minor in biochemistry. I lived on the second floor of a building called the Brick Commons, along with eight other graduate student women. We ate with about 900 undergraduate men on the first floor of the building. We ended up eating together a lot because he came in late from wrestling practice, and I worked long hours grading papers and studying until I had to leave for dinner. We became good friends because we were so different that we found each other interesting and stimulating.
How long have you been together?
We celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary in June.
What makes your relationship work?
We’ve always had a good relationship, but often it wasn’t quite as good during football season. I thought perhaps if I learned enough about football to be able to converse intelligently with him, that I would no longer feel like a widow during football season. It worked! I wrote a book about football for other women in the same situation: Football Facts for Females, or If You Can’t Beat ‘Em, Join ‘Em.
My husband, Randy, has done the same sort of thing for me. I love classical music–always have. Early in our relationship (and ever since), he’s been willing to go to concerts and even operas and has become to know a lot about music. This has also improved our relationship. Throughout our lives together, we have supported each other. We still are doing that.
Tip #5. Laugh Together
“Uniquely human, laughter is, first and foremost, a social signal–it disappears when there is no audience, which may be as small as one other person–and it binds people together. It synchronizes the brains of speaker and listener so that they are emotionally attuned. These are the conclusions of Robert Provine, Ph.D., a neuroscientist who found that laughter is far too fragile to dissect in the laboratory. Instead, he observed thousands of incidents of laughter spontaneously occurring in everyday life, and wittily reports the results in Laughter: A Scientific Investigation (Penguin Books, 2001). Laughter establishes–or restores–a positive emotional climate and a sense of connection between two people, who literally take pleasure in the company of each other. For if there’s one thing Dr. Provine found it’s that speakers laugh even more than their listeners. Of course levity can defuse anger and anxiety, and in so doing it can pave the path to intimacy.’” – Hara Estroff Marano, Psychology Today
Real Couple: Chad Biesman and David Marquardt
How did you meet?
We both love to sing. So, the place where we met was especially appropriate, since it was at Karaoke! Neither of us are really bar people, so it really must have been fate that we ended up at the same Seattle gay bar on the same Tuesday night. I sang a song from the musical “Little Shop of Horrors” and the duet “I Got You Babe” by Sonny and Cher, with some random guy, and David wowed the crowd with Madonna and Britney Spears. It really couldn’t have been more cheesy…or perfect! David was just so adorable up on stage and I knew I had to say “Hi!” When I went over to his table and introduced myself, I could see how quiet and sweet he was, and told him it would be fun to grab a coffee sometime. David went home that night and emailed me this really sweet email, and a couple of days later we went on our first date. And that is how the story begins!
How long have you been together?
We’ve been together for 5 years, 9 months. We met on April 23, 2009, had our wedding (which we consider the day we got married) on October 19, 2012, and we were officially married on December 12, 2012 (12.12.12), once we were legally allowed to get married in Washington State. Because we are both such sentimental saps, we celebrate all of those special dates!
What is it that makes your relationship work?
I think that we approach our relationship with a sense of humor, love and respect. We certainly have our moments, like any other couple, but we try to communicate with one another what we are feeling, when we are irritated or hurt. I think we both have a childlike wonder about life and we love to laugh, WITH each other, AT one another, and at OURSELVES. We enjoy traveling together (Disney World and NYC are two of our favorite trips!) and spending time together in general. We really are each other’s best friend.
As we all know, a lot more than just five things goes into making a successful relationship, but what these real couples teach us (& the experts stand by) is that these five things can go a long way in making any relationship stronger, healthier, and happier. Thank you to all of our couples for sharing your love and insight with us, and wishing you a love and laughter-filled Valentine’s Day!
What other advice or stories do you have to share?
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